


No More

by miracle_june



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Break Up, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Multi, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 06:29:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17575634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miracle_june/pseuds/miracle_june
Summary: Was he never enough? Or were you the one who didn't give it your all?





	No More

NO MORE

“Chan.”

“Mira.”

We stood there in the hallway. Face to face. Only an arms length away. I wanted to yell at you, I wanted punch you in the face and ask all my unanswered questions. But all I can do was give you a small smile and reached out my hand. Your eyes traveled from my face to my outstretched hand. You sighed, reaching out..

“It’s nice to see you again”

“You too.”

—-

Footsteps barged inside my boyfriend’s frat house. I was sitting next to him at the sofa. His right arm draped over my shoulder and my head leaning against his chest. 7 boys came rushing in, most of them were drunk. I chuckled at the scene. They soon spotted me and made their way towards our position. Hyunjin snickered beside me, clearly annoyed that our alone time was once again ruined by his frat mates.

“Come on you fuckers. It’s date night. I thought you guys aren’t gonna be back until tomorrow!” he whined, the boys ignored him, making him whine more. One by one they all found their seats. Jeongin, the youngest, made his way towards my legs, he sat in between them while I started to caress his hair. Hyunjin’s hand disappeared from my back and was now gripping Jeongin’s collar. “Hyunjin, come on. Let the kid be, he just likes me.” I said in a worried tone. Jeongin on the other hand remained calm and was just giving him a smug look. Hyunjin, not really having the choice, let go and crossed his arms beside me. All of us laughed at his behavior. His annoyed face slowly softened over time. Jisung shifted from his position and walked towards Hyunjin’s empty space, he let himself fall there, his head resting on Hyunjin’s lap.

All of us started to talk, Woojin excused himself so he could make coffee for the drunk Minho and Changbin who are cuddled together on the yellow beanbag. Seungmin volunteered and left for the kitchen too. The door creaked open, the leader and last member of the group has just arrived. He was welcomed by everyone. “CHAN HYUNG” they all said in chorus, a big warm smile formed on his face as he walked towards Minho and Changbin. Both of them were sitting on the floor so Chan sat beside them. Our eyes locked and he gave me a small smile, “You’re here, Mira.” I smiled at him and waved my hand. Hyunjin shifted at my side. He was clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

Woojin and Seungmin came in with a big pot of noodles, a few side dishes, and… more beer. Woojin placed the pot on the coffee table, allowing everyone to smell and see it. My mouth watered, Hyunjin and I haven’t had dinner yet so we’re both hungry. We all sat around the table, chopsticks on one hand and a spoon on the other. “LET’S EAT!” Felix shouted with his baritone voice. We begin to dig in. Hyunjin serving me a few side dishes while I open a can of beer for him. “It’s weird that you don’t drink but we still hang out with you.” Changbin, who is now a bit more sober, said. I chuckled. “Well, thank you, Binnie.” he blushed at the pet name. Minho on the other hand, snorted while his mouth was full of noodles. One particular strand came out his nose, making everyone crack up. Our cackles echoed around the big house.

“OMG, Minho hyung, you fucking retard!” Jisung exclaimed, wiping a few tears that escaped his eyes. Our high went down and eventually the pot became empty. After clearing the table, the boys decided to play truth or dare (yes, very original and mature), using an empty soju bottle that was hidden underneath the couch. How the coffee table was moved? I don’t know, suddenly the living room center was empty, as we formed a circle around it. I was sitting on Hyunjin’s lap, his hands circled around me and his head rested on my shoulder. Jeongin, who was in the bathroom, came back and stood in front of us. Hyunjin and I both looked up to him as he whined, “That’s my spot~~” he pouted and started stomping his feet. Hyunjin was about to retort when Chan spoke up, “What Jeongin means is, that’s unfair, because what if the bottle points to the two of you, who will be chosen.” spoken like the true leader, Jeongin had no choice but to sit on my left side while Hyunjin slid over to my right. As soon as he settled down, he reached out for my hand and filled the spaces between them with his fingers.

My eyes found Chan, whom I caught staring at our intertwined fingers. His gaze fell onto the marbled floor, ‘you still can’t stand it huh’ Woojin stood up and began spinning the bottle. The top part landed onto Jisung while the bottom part was pointing at Minho. Minho grinned, making Jisung gulp. We laughed at his reaction. “Jisungie~” Minho said in a flirtatious manner, no one can deny the sexual tension that we’re feeling right now. “Y-yeah?” he stuttered, making us all laugh louder. “Dare or dare?” he smirked, Jisung’s eyes went wide and he began to argue. “H-hyung!!! That’s not the only optio—” before we all know it, Minho started crawling towards Jisung. I cling onto Hyunjin arm while he did the same to me. Jisung had no other choice but to pick dare, and when he did, Minho was already on his lap. “I dare you to make out with me.” the room burst into laughter and cheers. Jisung was as red as a tomato while Minho was still smirking at him.

And there you have it. An endless night filled with “no homo” making out and truth bombs. During the last round, Hyunjin began spinning the bottle. A silent tension was building up. It was weird, my hands began to sweat and my heart paced faster. Soon enough, the bottle started slowing down.

“Thank God, Chan hyung finally got picked, who is—” Felix stopped, the room went dead quiet, as I stared at the bottle pointing at me and Chan. Hyunjin cleared his throat making everyone break free from the awkward silence, “It’s late. We should end the game—” before he could stand up, Woojin who was beside him, gripped his arm and forced him down. “No, this is the last round. Let’s end this now.” his voice was stern and authoritative, at times like this I could tell that he really is the oldest. Hyunjin’s face become emotionless as he sat back down beside me. Woojin smiled and proceeded to speak up. “Okay, Mira. Go ahead?” he gave me a reassuring smile. I looked at him and then looked at Chan. His eyes made holes on my face, I gulped and tried to find the words I wanted to say. “Chan, Truth or dare?” Woojin asked for me. My eyes fell on the floor, this is just a stupid game and I can’t even ask him a simple fucking question.

“Truth.” that one word echoed inside my head. Truth. I breathed in, saving up all the courage I could find and looked at him, ignoring the intense stare of my boyfriend beside me. “Why?” I almost laughed at myself. 5 minutes of silence just for ‘why?’ and what’s sad is, he knows what I meant.

His head fell, shoulders slumped, everyone could hear him sigh. “Because…” his voice trailed off as he found my eyes. We just stared at each other. Trying to find the answers ourselves. But all I could see was sorrow, pity, and… love. I tried my best to hold back my tears as he continued. “Because, I don’t want to continue anymore.” biting down my lip, I tried to process what he just said. What a vague fucking answer. It doesn’t even make fucking sense. I let out a bitter laugh, making all of them look at me. Including Hyunjin.

Before I knew it, I was a crying mess. “Because you don’t want to anymore? What kind of fucking explanation is that, Chris? Am I just a piece of gum, you chew and then spit out when I don’t taste good anymore?” his gaze never left mine. “And you even have the fucking nerve to look at me like that? With love and regret?” his eyes didn’t falter, I could feel Hyunjin shifting beside me. Woojin is probably holding him back. “Am I just a fucking joke to you Christopher?”

“No! No you weren’t Mira. I loved you—”

“Then why the hell did you leave me?” his mouth agape, he couldn’t speak. My tears continued to stream down, I balled up my fist trying hard not to punch him in the face. “I didn’t leave you.” his voice was low. I looked away. “Liar.”

“I’m not lying to you! I just did what’s best—” my head clouded in anger, all our memories came gushing in, my vision blurred as I look at him. I was shaking. I couldn’t contain it anymore. I couldn’t care less about the 8 pair of eyes observing us.  
“What’s best? I WAS YOUR FUCKING FIANCE, CHRIS. WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MARRIED TOMORROW. THREE WEEKS AFTER YOUR CHEESY FUCKING PROPOSAL, YOU BAILED OUT ON ME. LEAVING ME ON THE FUCKING STREETS IN THE GODDAMN RAIN. I HAD NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT WENT WRONG. AND YOU’RE SAYING YOU DID WHAT’S BEST? GO FUCKING KILL YOURSELF.”

The room went quiet. My loud sobs and hitched breathing were the only sounds that filled the suffocating silence. We all sat there for 15 minutes. Everyone knew, they all knew what happened between us. Chan and I dated for 2 years, on our 2nd year anniversary he proposed at the same place we met. In front of the gymnasium, where he saw me for the first time, soaked in eggs and flour (he did it). A smirk plastered on his face while the other members and everyone else who saw that scene, laughed their asses off.

We were supposed to get married tomorrow, but three weeks after his proposal. He suddenly picked me up from my house, wearing only my pajamas. He was clearly in distraught, so I had to go. I didn’t even bother dressing up or getting my phone and wallet. I went straight into his car as he sped off.

The rain started pouring and I was getting worried because we’ve been driving for 30 minutes, and he hasn’t said anything. I tried reaching out for his hand but he hurriedly put it on the steering wheel. I felt a pang of pain as I withdraw my hand. Sitting there mortified, thinking about what have I done wrong. He made a sudden sharp turn. The car came to a halt, he shifted from his seat. My face lightened up and I opened up my hands for him. Thinking he was gonna come in for a hug.

But, I was wrong.

He unbuckled my seat belt, opened the door, pushed me into the wet ground, throwing our promise ring beside me with a grim look on his face. “It’s over.” and with that, he left me. My eyes followed his cars tail lights until it disappeared in the distance. Sitting on the wet ground, I was still trying to process what just happened. Crawling at a half lit position, trying to find our ring, as I do so. I didn’t cry, I didn’t know why.

The nightmare melted away into my head, a commotion started, I looked up and saw my boyfriend’s back standing in front of me and Chan lying on the cold floor holding his jaw. My eyes went wide. Woojin and Minho were holding back Hyunjin while Felix and Seungmin tried to help Chan up. Chan swatted the hands away and stood up himself. His gaze momentarily fell on mine. “C-come on guys, we were just playing a few minutes ago.” Jeongin spoke up. He was clearly shaking and nervous by what was happening, but he tried his best and went to my side and started caressing my back.

But no one listened to his words. Hyunjin started shouting, and throwing his fists into the air unable to hit Chan, because Woojin and Minho were gripping him sternly. While, Chan stood there, holding his jaw as his eyes traveled to my position. This, this was the Chan I fell in love with. His eyes were soft, it was full of love and support. The situation was so fucking bad, but it didn’t matter to him. He just stood there, admiring me as if I was the only person that ever existed.

I stood up shaking and tried my best to speak up, “H-hyunjin no, stop it.” but my words only seem to pass through his ears. I hugged him from behind, I did it because I was scared. And also to block out Chan’s piercing gaze. Hyunjin was shaking in anger, I can feel his emotions gushing all throughout his body.

I couldn’t cry. I didn’t know if I can. It hurts so bad I just wanted to die. All at once, my emotions broke free. Hot tears came streaming down my face, wiped away by the cold rain.

As I crawl around the ground, my hands roamed, my vision was blurred by both my tears and the rain. When a sudden light from a car blinded me, I shielded my eyes with my right hand while the other still tried to find something. Not even bothering if I get ran over, that would be nice right now. My head was a mess, I was cold, I was hungry… I was terrified.

Footsteps and the pitter patter of the rain melted into the scene. A pair of feet stood in front of me, the person squatted down and picked up a shiny metal holding it in front of us both. It was our ring. My eyes found the owner of the car, his usual stoic face was replaced by a soft and concerned one. He was crying small tears, but he found a smile, opening his arms.

I was going to kill myself that same day and time, Chan was my whole world. He was my only family. But, I was too fucking blinded by my love for him, I didn’t notice the person who was always there for me whenever Chan is gone. My facade slowly fell as I jump into his arms. He held me tightly, never wanting to let go. His hand caressed my back as I my cries grew louder. “Sssh, I’m here. Hyunjin is here. I will never let you go.”

“No, I won’t fucking stop. I won’t fucking stop fighting for you, for us. Because you chose me. And I promised you I won’t ever let anyone hurt you, again.” his voice was an octave deeper, and by the end of the statement his voice cracked. Hyunjin was crying. Hyunjin rarely cries, he always wanted to be someone who is seen strong and brave. But whenever he cries, you can see how much he cares for you and how much he’s hurting because of you.

“Then if you don’t want to hurt me, then stop this. Please don’t hurt, Chris.” my hands slowly unwrapped themselves from Hyunjin as I sunk down the floor. I realized what just said. The next words he said pierced right through me, “You still fucking love, this asshole… don’t you?” my sobs grew louder, I wasn’t just crying. I was wailing, I was shouting, I was breaking down. I want to deny it, I want to deny the fact that I still care for Chan and that I’m hurting every single soul in this room.

I was instantly lifted up from the ground, Hyunjin’s hands around my collar. His eyes were filled with anger, hate, and regret. “Answer me, Miracle.” my first name gave me the goosebumps. He never calls me that. I was running out of air, but my eyes were fixed on his face. Taking in every detail I could. I wish he could just kill me now because that’s what I deserve.

My body suddenly broke free from his grip and fell down, Jeongin caught me. Hyunjin was on the floor. My eyes found Woojin, his expression almost made me faint. This is the first time I have ever seen him so angry. His nose flared, his eyes were sending daggers to Hyunjin, and there was blood on his fists.

Woojin just punched Hyunjin.

“Don’t you fucking dare hurt her, Hwang Hyunjin. What the hell are you thinking?!” he growled, his usually friendly tone was long gone. It was terrifying. Jeongin held me close, he too was clearly afraid of Woojin. No one dared to interfere, not even Chan. “I wanted this fucking feud to just end, that’s why I continued the game.” my tears won’t stop. This is all my fault, they’re the closest friends in the world and I just came prancing in ruining everything.

I stood up and freed myself from Jeongin’s grip. I couldn’t care less if I was barefooted and that I left all my belongings at their house. I just wanted to escape from everything else. I just… want to kill myself. I ran and ran and ran. My feet were bleeding because of the rough ground, and the cold air was painful against my skin.

I thought everything is okay, I thought we’re all okay. I thought I can finally settle down… why is this happening, huh? My feet came to a halt, obviously tired. My knees crashed into the pavement. I was in the middle of the park, the moon shined brightly, reflecting on the tears that are streaming down my cheeks. It was the same park where me and Chan had our last date before he abandoned my like a fucking cat in the streets. Balling my fists, I shouted. “Why is this happening? Huh, God? I thought you wouldn’t give me challenges I can’t overcome? I thought I finally went through it all? Why the hell are you doing this to me?”

Thunder roared and soon enough, the rain started pouring. Laughing bitterly I helped up both my middle finger up in the air. “GIVE ME A GODDAMN BREAK!” my voice went hoarse. Both my arms fell onto my side. I was in so much pain, I’m even questioning God.  
He gave me this life and now I want him to take it back, just please take it back.  
But before I give up in life, a hand clasped my shoulder. A familiar ring wrapped around his finger.

“Woojin, let’s all calm down for a while. Can someone go after Mira—” Minho spoke up, he was the 3rd oldest and he had to do something because Chan couldn’t think straight. But, his words were cut off.

“I’ll go.” all of them looked at Chan. Hyunjin’s anger flared again and he hoisted himself up. Woojin shielded Chan. Hyunjin started smiting at Chan, his spit flew everywhere but he didn’t care.. None of them cared. “What the fuck are you saying? Now? You decided to chase after her NOW?! I’m gonna fucking kill you.” Woojin didn’t budge, he was the strongest out of them. He pushed Hyunjin down on the floor. Ordering everyone to do so or else he’s gonna start throwing punches again.

They sat down, the usual playful air was long gone. Sure they had a couple of fights before, some were bad and some were not so bad. A few faces bled here and there but nothing a good talk and a few can of beers couldn’t fix.

But at that moment, their friendship mattered. Their bond was on the line. “Chan hyung, can’t you just tell us why?” Felix spoke up. A hint of worry was found in his baritone voice. All of a sudden, Jeongin started crying. His eyes darted everywhere. He was scared. Seungmin jumped up and went to his side. Jeongin instantly curled into Seungmin’s arms. He held him close as he looked hopefully at Chan. “Hyung please, just tell us. Jeongin is scared, all of us are. If you could only tell us, please.” not only did he begged with his eyes, his voice was downright pleading. Chan started massaging his temples. Hyunjin waited anxiously, as much as he wanted to beat the crap out of the leader, he also wanted to know the truth.

The room went quiet, the suffocating ambience was not present anymore. Instead, it was surprisingly calm, as if they’re just telling their usual stories to each other. Chan breathed in.. he had no other choice. It was already a dead end, and who can he trust more in the world than his friends? Whom he hand picked himself. Whom he took care off, made tons of memories with, cuddled with, laughed and cried with.

“I never wanted to leave her. All of you know, it was all just a prank when I first met her. The usual start of our new semester, we always wanted to do something fun,” he smiled. “Coincidentally, she was our target. I really thought she would run away and cry or even drop out. But…” his voice trailed off. “But instead we each earned a kick on the groin and a slap on the face.” Changbin continued, they all let out a small laughter. Including Hyunjin. “Yeah, never thought she would fight back. Damn, I could still feel the pain in my balls.” Jisung included. Their laughter grew louder.

Chan continued feeling a bit less burdened.

“But as she whipped the asses of the boys (with a broom) who were bothering Jeongin, I looked at her for the first time with a different feeling. Did you guys know what went through my head during that time?” Chan looked at each one of them. Gaze lingering a little longer on Hyunjin. He smiled warmly, recollecting that moment.  
“I saw her walking down the aisle as I cry like a fucking baby in front of the altar”

His voice grew softer and softer. No one could deny the fact that Chan loved Mira with all his heart. They all remember that time when he was about to propose. Chan was crying, his eyes were puffy while the other members teased him and tried to calm him down.

Seeing Chan so happy, made them feel happy too. Chan has made a lot of sacrifices for their group. He went through hell just to keep everyone together. And they can’t wish for anything else than seeing Chan feel loved and happy.

“After our first date, we just… clicked. Everything connected. It’s like we’re each others missing puzzle piece. Every single time spent with her were the same. It’s as if I fell in love with her every day of my life. And I didn’t want anything more than that. She made me feel the things I have never felt before.” His eyes, once again, looked at his precious members with love. “And I was fucking elated when she met you guys and all of you loved her like she was our own.” all the members smiled. Chan was right, the moment Mira stepped inside their frat house, everyone wanted to be cuddled and spoiled by her (especially Jeongin).

They treated her like she was family.

“But I fucked up,” the atmosphere suddenly grew heavier again. Hyunjin’s fists were all balled up against his thighs, as if waiting for Chan to mess up so he could hurt him. “Sangyeon suddenly called me, telling me he knows where my precious bride to be is and that he’s gonna hurt her if I don’t break up with her. I just laughed and dared him. His proposal was fucking childish and he won’t benefit anything at all. However, I was wrong.” his gaze fell onto Hyunjin. “He knew Hyunjin liked Mira, and he wanted to use it as an advantage and destroy our frat.” the room went still, everyone was mad. Sangyeon was a member of another frat from their rival university. They always hated each other. Seungmin broke the silence. “Why didn’t you tell us in the first place?” Chan’s gaze fell on his fidgeting hands.

“Because I was scared, and I don’t want anyone to bother you guys. You’re my only family here in Seoul. I wanted to protect all of you. I wanted to stay the same as before.” his held back tears were now lose. He sobbed before continuing,  
“Even if it meant losing Mira.”

the whole room was thrown into a trance. Not long after, Hyunjin bolted up. Woojin who got caught by the moment was a step late on tackling Hyunjin.

But what Hyunjin did, shocked everyone.

He went straight to Chan, engulfing him into a warm hug. Chan too was at lost. He couldn’t believe Hyunjin was hugging him. He melted into his embrace, and both of them cried all the held back tears and emotions.

Soon, everyone huddled into a small pile in the center. All of them sobbing and throwing apologies here and there.

“Never lie to us, Hyung. Just like you said, we’re your family. And being family means sharing the burdens of one another. Not just you shouldering all the weight. Hyung, we’re always here to help. Always here to support. Always here to love and care for you. Because we are your members and you are our leader.” Jeongin’s words shocked everyone. The kid grew up from being a nerdy math major to a mature Dean’s Lister and member of their frat.

They all agreed and started scolding Chan about not telling them about his concerns. Hyunjin zeroed in to him, his hands clasped onto Chan’s as his eyes made contact with his. “Hyung, I’m sorry. I never thought this would happen, I could—-” but he was cut off by Chan’s words. “Hyunjin, I’m sorry.” Chan’s hand, cupped Hyunjin’s cheek. Those were the only words that were exchanged but it meant a whole lot more to the both of them.

Hyunjin tried to compose himself before pulling Chan to stand up. “What—” Hyunjin started pushing him towards the door. Hyunjin knew he lost. He knew he was never enough in the first place. His relationship with Mira has been okay, but it was just okay. Unlike Chan, he never saw himself marrying Mira. It was just not the right time for him to think about it. But Chan, was different. Hyunjin bit his lips, trying to hold back the tears. Chan looked at him. All he could give was a smile of defeat.

“Go get her, Hyung.”


End file.
